Rich people problems

Lately, I've been struggling with burn out. I'm tired of school (rich people problem), I'm bored of surfing the Internet to read about things I want do to my car but can't afford (still a rich people problem), I'm burnt out on not being able to purchase any toys (a rich people problem), and I need a vacation but I'm out of time off (yet another rich people problem).

I'm not complaining just to complain. I really don't have enough margin in my life, and I'm clueless as to how to fix that. I don't watch TV (maybe 60 minutes a week, if that), I don't go out and do things because I can't afford to.

I love to learn, which is why I do a lot of reading on the 'net, but I'm getting frustrated because I can't go do any of the things I reading about. Here's the craziest part, my job is actually the least stressful part of my week, and I look forward to going to work after a crazy weekend of homework because I DON'T HAVE TO DO HOMEWORK!

On a good note, I have 6 classes left to graduate from Ivy Tech, and I'm scheduled for 3 classes next semester. Hopefully I'll be done by next fall! YAY!

Me, Myself, and Irene

So, yet another night I can't sleep. It's well after 1 am, and I've not begun to snooze yet...I guess I'll do a post to try and settle my mind so I can sleep.

Okay, maybe I put one too many names on there, but the split personality is my target. I know where I want to go with this, but whether the words end up reflecting that target or not, I'm not sure.

When it comes to socializing, I'm sure I'm not the only one here, but there's the Me everyone knows, and there's the Myself that I know. I struggle with what I let others see. Growing up, image was very ingrained in my upbringing. I have people close to me (who shall remain nameless) that wouldn't buy alcohol locally because someone might see them buying it and think poorly of them. This isn't to say they were/are irresponsible with it, but image was everything. As time passes, I'm trying to rid myself of that.

I personally would rather go to the bar, have some social time (and maybe or maybe not have alcohol), and make sure others get home safely, than to hide what I'm doing for fear of judgment. But the question is, where do I draw the line between personal life, and being real? I have struggles much as anyone with a heartbeat and breath in their lungs does, but that doesn't mean I want to share them.

People see me as being[at least I hope] a good guy, trustworthy, and who knows what else. I've always stayed away from the spotlight for fear of people not liking who they saw. I crack jokes because I enjoy them, but also because it keeps others from having time to get to know me deep down where I'm uncomfortable.

I'm not sure where anybody else is, but I'm ruled by my fears. No matter how hard I try, I have the fear that others won't approve of me. I'm often somewhat quiet in a group because I don't want to be the center of attention. I did everything I could do in school to blend in, because those who stood out got picked on. For this reason, I often don't speak my opinion. If I were to make a statement about something that was right, someone could be sore about it and retaliate, if I were wrong, then people like to rub it in--neither situation is positive. I struggle to speak my mind even on meaningless tasks in my daily life. Thank God that I have Casey to help pull me through the awkwardness and help me to be a better communicator.

I guess my biggest problem is that fear of rejection. I look up to those who can speak their mind and are able to deal with the consequences, good or bad. I struggle with that even to those who are close friends and family. I just wish I knew how to deal with my problems.

As always, comments are welcomed and appreciated. Now maybe I can get some sleep.

Something hit me today

Sorry for the loooooong time between updates, but I haven't had much to say--until today that is.

Have you ever heard the saying "burning the candle at both ends"? Have you ever thought about the meaning of that? If you took a candle, turned it sideways and set each end on fire, it would quickly make a mess on the table or floor, burn quickly, and then burn out.

With school and work being a constant in my life, I'm doing exactly that. The mess is my life, forgetting things, not having time to work on things that desperately need attention, and not having time for myself or my wonderful wife.

The burn out is what happens when there's no down time to recuperate. Casey and I are both at the point of burn out...I'm getting to the point where I don't really care about school--not a good thing.

Since Casey and I don't really have time for a growth group, we started reading a couple books last night. We both read a bit in "LOVE & RESPECT: the love she desperately needs, the respect he really deserves", and each started devotional books. Hopefully being closer to our God will bring us closer together and help us deal with stress better.

Hopefully my next post won't have to wait as long as this one has.

Overdue update

I decided today that I needed to update my blog. It's been far too long since I did so. I am just about to start my 3rd week of classes, and I'm already overwhelmed. I didn't have a chance to do my homework this past week, so I'm cramming it all into this weekend. I got 2 of my classes done/almost done yesterday, and I'm working on the rest today.

Unfortunately, I'm having a bit of difficulty concentrating on my studies because of my allergies. I haven't had to deal with them for quite a while, but they have beaten me up badly. I've probably been through a half box of Kleenex so far, and I'll probably end up near a full box just this weekend. My nose looks like Bozo the Clown's nose . :-(

Please keep Casey and me in your prayers for our sanity and well being.

Eric

My wife...my blessing

The other day I saw a wall decoration that said "God grant me the patience to deal with my blessings." Well God has definitely made that stand out in my mind. I've always been pretty poor in communications with others. I do 'okay' in social situations, but not well...and I have always struggled with communication with my wife. Thank goodness my wife is so great at it.

Slowly but surely, I'm being yanked from my shell (the one that isolates me from having to share how I feel--yeah, yeah I feel dirty just saying that!). My wife does very well communicating, but that has never been my forte. She is definitely my complement...and my better half. Thanks to her patience and ability to pull me out of my shell, I feel so much more comfortable talking about things with her now than ever before.

On a related note--and more to the topic of this post--my brother recently told me that he needed to find a good woman, and I told him that I already married her. My wife is such a blessing to me that I can't begin to express how much she means.

New blogger announcement

My incredible wife, Casey, has started blogging. I'm sure she can use lots of support in her new endeavor!

Please keep us in your prayers as we're about to be tested to our limits. I'm currently working full-time and she is working part-time, I'm about to start back into school and she is about to begin nursing school. We've made it over a year now (had our one year anniversary on the 14th of this month), but haven't had to deal with nursing school yet.

Phil 4:13 says "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength"...well we're gonna need it! Thank you for your prayers.

Obama and Christ

From the very beginning I have been a fan of Barack Obama. The fact that he lacks typical 'political experience' is not a negative in my book. Maybe I'm too cynical about our politicians, but between lobbyists and everything else I don't trust 'Washington experience'.

When Obama came along I felt like he had that fresh look to him...but something gets to me--and still bothers me: "I believe there are many paths to the same place, and that is a belief that there is a higher power, a belief that we are connected as a people." This is very obviously wrong...but he isn't the only one who has made this nature of statement. Our current president said this 4 years ago:

Charlie Gibson: Do we all worship the same God, Christians and Muslims?

President Bush: I think we do. We have different routes of getting to the Almighty.

Charlie Gibson: Do Christians and non-Christians, do Muslims go to heaven in your mind?

President Bush: Yes, they do. We have different routes of getting there.

I never liked Bush...but I'm finding myself between a rock and a hard place here. I don't like Obama's statement on beliefs, but I don't care of McCain either. I just don't know what to do, and I have the distinct impression that I'm not the only one.